We had undressed separately and got into bed, lying stiffly as far apart as the mattress would allow. I turned out the light and lay eyes wide open in the darkness listening to my wife’s slow breathing.Eventually I heard what sounded like soft sobs coming from her side of the bed.“Are you ok?” I whispered.“I... I… I’m so, so sorry…” She croaked.I reached across for her hand and squeezed it.“It was my fault too… “I said softly. “I should have... done something… I don’t understand why I didn’t…”“I don’t know why I let him do it…“ She said, her voice a little stronger. “I know I was drunk but… ““But you wanted it too…” I finished her sentence for her.And then it was as if a dam had burst, and we both began talking at once in the darkness."I can't believe that happened!” Alice began. “At first I thought we were just fooling around, sort of a kissing and petting party. I never thought it would go that far… And I kept thinking that you would stop him if he went too far… Before I knew it I. While out we could also set up a bank account in my name and go to the solicitors to engage them. As he finished, he held both my hands and looked at me for a minute.“Are you okay?”I shrugged, “As well as can be expected, I suppose. Too much, too quickly, as long as you don’t abandon me, I’ll survive.”“Where’s that come from, abandon you?”I explained how I felt when I thought he was just letting me go at the crematorium. He pulled me back into a hug and finally started to cry. Now the dam had broken, I held Tommy as he was wracked with tears, sobbing like a babe.“Where did all that come from?” I asked, a mirror to his question when he had settled some.He explained how he thought I might be pulling away, consciously or not, from him and due to our previous meeting, he thought he would never see me again. It was the culmination of losing our parents and relief that we still felt strongly about each other all combined, that ended with him crying for the first time since the fire. I was.
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