About how I believe I had "loved" Mike in a way that was very close to the love I had felt also for women. About how my grief for him is so very much deeper than that for a lost friend, for indeed he was my lover. And I tell him about Griff, my friend and almost lover from my Air force days, whom I came about two inches from fucking one summer night on a white gulf beach in 1963.There is a long pause as I stand over him, hoping his reaction will not be too harsh, that he will not think ill of me, will not cease to be my friend because of my "queer' feelings for Mike and Griff.Les rises, stands still for a moment, looks straight in my face, then leans forward and kisses my lips lightly. I stand in shock, not knowing what to feel, my face tingling where his coarse beard has touched.He takes my hand and leads me into the bathroom. I stand near the door, mute and paralyzed, my emotions in an uproar, watching as he lights several candles and turns on the steaming water. I feel like a. "Doris looked at me a little surprised; she wasn't expecting such a conversation. In her career she was used to be informed, to be instructed, to be told, what to do, but nobody was interested in her opinion."Well, John, to tell the truth, I am happy to have this possibility. I want to show more of myself..."She blushed with these words - the double meaning came together with words. I couldn't stop myself:"OK, Doris, I like the idea."We both laughed.Then I went serious:"That is off-topic, but may I be honest with you?" ... aah, ye, sure, John." It may sound strange, but the second meaning of what you have said has some sense." John, what are you talking about?"At the moment I was happy, that for several last weeks I was trying to be as friendly with her, as it was possible. Now she was comfortable enough to discuss with me even this double meaning."Doris, I think, there is a beautiful woman inside you, but you are not letting her out." Look, John, what are you talking about now is.
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