But did she really want that life? If so, why did even the thought of it make her lose confidence? Where did this feeling of incompleteness come from? Why this fear of being lonely — so very lonely?While struggling she was appalled by her repeating need to go back to Angique. Why feel that? Going back would mean losing whatever she still had, wouldn't it? Forever? So why this ache to surrender? Why fall back into the sweet velvet hole behind those emerald eyes and succumb to the hypnotizing voice of the woman?Could she hang on and stay away from Angique? Was she prepared to pay the prize for restoring her pride: a sane but utterly bored, unsatisfied and lonely life? Deep down she knew she couldn't — it was as if she'd accept to live with one arm, one leg and one eye. Could she even exist inside this fractured being, knowing that her pride would keep her incomplete forever?She whispered the questions, but knew the answer. It was an answer she feared and hated, but could only embrace —. You want to leave first or shall I?" I guess you should, since you have been here the longest," she said.Before I stood to leave I made sure I had left all the Janet Anton ID material, then I recovered my real ID. Well as real as it gets for me, I thought.I found my bag of dirty clothes in the passenger seat, but my backpack was in the bed of the truck. I was happy to drive away from the meeting with Morris. The almost 75K reward from the DEA was a nice surprise. Then there was the no surprise about Jeremy and Alice. I was happy to see that as well. All in all it was a good meeting.I had about a two hour drive before I made it to the Roaring Gap exit. It was also the access road which held the two plazas. I didn't plan to stop since I had no idea what I needed after being gone two months.The time passed slowly as I tried to remember all the things I had planned to do, while I waited for another job to come along. For one thing I could finish the Country Store house. The main thing.
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