I could feel the warmth as it spread through my cheeks. His words felt as if they had taken form, lashing out and striking me, creating a hot sting. I sat up on the bed and pulled the sheets up around me, covering my vulnerability. I stared at his back waiting for him to bring the fullness of the truth to light. “I don’t want to lead you on,” he said to the wall, “I don’t want you to think that we are a couple.” The truth was, that I knew we were not a couple. The truth was, that what we shared was the past. Oh, but how I wanted to live the lie, if only for a night. I struggled to fight back my sobs as I searched for the right words to say. Finally, I mustered up what little dignity I had left and asked, “How can you say that you don’t feel comfortable letting me spend the night, but yet you felt comfortable enough to have sex with me?” He turned his head, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. His answer was the final insult to my integrity. His answer was the very essence of. And I don’t feel the need to run code 3 to a barking dog call, OK?’ He paused to let the deliberate sarcasm sink in. ‘Hollandale. Well, meat? Think you can find it?’ The rookie started the squad car and swung it out of the station’s lot northbound onto Grand Avenue. MacCarley sat in silence. Hollandale was south and west of the station. ‘Oh God,’ he thought, ‘it’s going to be one long mother-fuckin’ day.’ * A little after five thirty that afternoon MacCarley and the rookie walked back into the station and turned the day’s reports into the evening shift sergeant. He sat with the rookie while the sergeant checked the reports for errors, then they headed back to the locker room when they got a thumbs up. MacCarley felt the chill from the sergeant, went to his locker, there was a piece of paper taped to his locker door that had’Pig Fucker!’ written across it in big red letters and had several – apparently used – condoms stapled to it. MacCarley left the note taped to the locker door as.
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