He knew something was wrong, but no matter how hard he tried or how often he asked she wouldn’t tell him anything. He could see her pulling away, feel her pulling away. She was with him physically, she would still talk to him, still lay by his side at night when she slept, still laugh at his jokes, still hold his one of his fingers when she could. But she wasn’t with him mentally. She didn’t tell him her fears anymore, she wouldn’t tell him her problems, or when she wanted to do something dangerous. She wouldn’t tell him her worries. She would talk with him but not about anything really important or about her. She still laughed with him, but her laugh was different, it didn’t have the same life, the same spark. She didn’t want to tell him her struggles anymore. She didn’t want him to worry about her, didn’t want him to know just how far her self-hatred really went. How deeply rooted in her mind it really was. How every time anyone got just a little glimpse of it, they would tell her. " He kissed her again, softly. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't want it, or mean it. Just think about it—we'd be able to be together more. Or at least, we could take more advantage of the time we'd have, and that sounds like a good idea to me." "Me, too." Ryan wrapped her arms around him. "A great idea." "I want to be with you, Ryan. I know we both weren't looking for anything serious, but it got serious and I don't want that to change." "Neither do I." "And if that offer to meet with you while you tour still stands, I like it. We can set up secret, illicit rendezvous and meet in back alleys behind sleazy hotels." He wiggled his eyebrows. "We can use code words and everything." Ryan put her head on his chest and laughed. "I really don’t think that'll be necessary. I'm not ashamed about being seen with a hockey player in public." "That's g—hey!" "Gotcha." She laughed and then kissed him. "That would mean a lot to me, Brody, if you could do that." "All right then, that's all settled. Now.
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