I could see the colour of her face go from red to pale, as I explained the switch, the delicate difference in lovemaking and companionship, the therapy, and the Kinsey scale. ‘But you’re not entirely gay, the test says...you’re also drawn to men, focus on the small percentage,’ she rebuked, adding that she’d talk to my father. What still resonates with me, however, is how she used very few words to correlate law regulations in India with her fear as a parent. ‘The government doesn’t support your status, how do you expect me to approve?’ she explained calmly. ‘Getting by life as a woman is difficult as is. I can’t imagine how you’d negotiate being a woman and gay in India.’ This was in 2013, when the Supreme Court upheld 377, criminalising homosexual sex. In some ways, it was the best coming-out encounter I could have hoped for—we both cried, she articulated her concerns and listened to mine, and continues to play the denial card ever so often. I’ve made my peace with their unspoken. The first one held dozens of photos- Ah….they were ones that I had taken of her during our ‘games’ over the years . But I didn’t remember taking so many as to warrant that number of folders. I skipped along the row and opened another at random. Word files appeared this time; I clicked one open. It was a story- interesting ! It only took a few sentence reads to tell me the subject was one of her favourites… and the writing of it was direct, very explicit and strangely exciting. Was it something she had downloaded from the internet, I wondered? I knew she had a vivid imagination but this piece was so fluent and so , well, dirty, that I couldn’t believe it was her own invention. Also some of the action described was so bizarre and extreme; surely she could not have had any experiences like it to draw upon? I clicked open another…Again, it described a woman, unnamed, going through an ordeal of sexual degradation. And the length of it was amazing too…paragraph after paragraph of intensely.
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