I now knew how she had been converted. But could I go to the next step?“You like that don’t you honey” Becky said but the answer was obvious. I came once more before Boots seemed interested in more. He tried to climb up on me as I sat there still shaking. “You have him excited Tracy” Becky said “he wants to make you him bitch. That is he we started”. I had gone to Becky’s home to satisfy my curiosity. Now I had decide if I wanted a different type of satisfaction. Becky explained about a dog’s knot. That is how he ties with his bitch so he can impregnate her. Dogs generate pre-cum as a lubricant. “I don’t think lubrication will be your problem” she said laughing “so are you ready to give yourself to him? If not I will have to take over”. Again she was challenging me. My brain was saying “don’t do it” but my body needed sex, any sex. “Yes I want him” I said, hardly believing what I was saying. “On your knees in front of the couch and rest your body on the couch” she told “Boots will do. ”“I have to see her again. Even if we…”The thought stopped, too terrible to consider. I would have to see her leave all again. Our lives together reduced to a single blinking green dot disappearing all too quickly from my instruments. “You won’t come back.”“I have to choose? Eternity and never seeing her again?”He seemed to sigh.“You can always return. None do. Those clinging to the past relive it in endless repetition, never experiencing the next moment.”“But Gwendolyn..”“The Queen remains the single exception.”I swallowed hard, trying to blink back the tears. Heaven, the afterlife, whatever it could be called, whatever could be lived. Wasn’t that her?“Would I know?”I didn’t need to ask. It didn’t really matter. I think I understood what he meant at the end. It was so easy to let each moment become tinged through our eventual tragedy. I remember crying when I first saw her, then thinking that it might be different.She was slouched over a bar a decade before the last white dwarf.
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