Get laidI think I heard this is American films first, probably the Russ Meyer films I went to see in the 80s. They were an important part of me beginning to realise what things were about, or at least the very start of that process. I still didn’t relate ‘getting laid’ with anything to do with sex, I knew people slept together but I’d never made the step of connecting that to having sex, and getting laid just seem to refer to going to lie down in a bed – and go to sleep. ScrewFrom the early days this word seemed to feature often in the conversations people had about relationships, going out (‘dating’), ‘getting lucky’ or whatever. All the euphemisms people used to use in those days were effective in throwing me off the scent of what people were really talking about, and more often than not making me feel very confused. So ‘screw’ I took to mean something like ‘unlock’ or ‘twist’ and that implied cleverness or skill of some sort. You have to remember that way back then, sex wasn’t. And we were getting close. She had her eyes squeezed closed and I couldn’t see where we were. I tried to get control, but stopping a woman in the middle of an orgasm isn’t easy. Miranda cried out and I let the pleasure of her sensations wash over me.Pooky sidestepped a little and Miranda lost her balance. Her eyes flew open and we were next to a rocky outcropping. Pooky had stepped aside to go around a huge boulder. I snatched at control of Miranda’s body as she was flailing and tried to dismount but her long skirts got tangled up in the horn and the stirrup and one hand was still inside her skirt. I fell from that big horse and there was nothing I could do about it. We hit the ground hard and my left foot twisted under me. I cried out with the pain.“I knew it was a bad idea to come out here. I don’t even know where we are!” Miranda cried. “I can’t move my foot.”Masturbating in the middle of the night while riding sidesaddle was the bad idea. Whatever possessed you?“You went to sleep.
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