And I want to tell you all about it. I have issued my full apology so many times. The guilt still burns in me. There is just enough fuel in my mind to keep it going. But I don’t want to spend my life in misery over choices I have made. I suffered through many years, and I believe I’ve paid for my sins against you. Still, there you are, dominating my thoughts. Today, when my life has settled, when my nest is complete, and I have time to think, I spend most of my extra time thinking about you. There is a part of me that longs to break my promises in this life I have chosen. There are several parts of me that want to run away, to you. And yet, another part of me wonders if I am the biggest fool on earth for even thinking you care about me after all these years. I will never know if you only wish to watch me suffer like this, or if you also feel the burning desire to be together, again. It would serve me right if it is merely amusement for you. I loved you with every ounce of my being,. I noticed one other "little thing". When I stopped breathing, my dick grew into a stick of wood. With no conscious stimulation and without touching myself in any way, my pride and joy swelled larger and larger until I wondered if it ever got that big when I was awake?Was I dreaming some good fuck scene? Was it only oxygen starvation? I had read about some guys who strangled themselves into unconsciousness to heighten an orgasm, but had never considered trying it. Was this what it was all about? A natural asphyxiation technique? This was very interesting and intriguing stuff.I ran the tape a while longer and timed a few more episodes without learning any more than I had seen at the first occurrence, so I hit the rewind and went to the bathroom to drain the old lizard. Even if it was my own prick I had been watching, the repeated scenes of arousal had affected me somewhat and I considered beating it off for a moment, then decided to run down to the kitchen for a bite, instead. A growing.
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