. And how much did he pay you? Or better yet, how many beers did he give you?”“It was all gratis, love. But of course, the next time I need some help around the farm, I’ll have his number on speed dial.”To my relief, the conversation continued naturally, and the initial awkwardness of being nude in the hot tub with my parents quickly faded. As the beer and wine continued to flow, however, the conversation became bluer in nature. Although I tried to be discreet, I constantly found my attention being drawn to my mother’s uncovered breasts, which, despite her age, had a fullness that Erika’s lacked. As they floated and bobbed on the water, I was able to get peeks at her nipples and noticed how long they were compared with Erika’s ... I reasoned that it was probably due to all the nursing that I did as a baby. This intimate realization sent a wave of excitement to my loins.“Whew, Erika, I’m getting pretty warm. How about we sit up on the edge for awhile,” suggested Mom.“Sounds good. I’m. It wasn't much, in my humble opinion, but it was the best they could do. And you do owe them respect. But nobody ever said you had to love them. Anyway, I don't think you can -- I don't think I could love most of the people I was involved with, either, not in the way most people usually do."She said we both grew up as if on a deserted island. We developed our own means of survival, our own ideas, our own view of the world, our own morality. In many ways most children grow up to be like their parents, she said, but in our case we grew up to be more like ourselves, untended, untaught except through our own isolation. "If we feel unloved," she said, "it's not because we weren't loved. It's because we weren't loved for who we are."The night wore on with neither of us able to stop talking. The subject eventually moved to the unique relationship between us."It just happened," Martha said, lighting another cigarette and hugging her knees to her chest, her feet propped on her chair seat..
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