This leaves me free to devote my attention to doing it well. In my vanilla life I am a decision maker and a driver and impatient to get things done. When I have decided on something I go for it. Bridging this gap is something I am still learning. I have to remind myself as his sub that it is not about me. As his sub I must learn to be patient and wait until He tells me to do something. For example I would like to have some Ben wa balls so that I can train my vaginal muscles to be tight despite all the stretching they regularly endure. The vanilla me wants to rush out and buy some and start using them. As a sub I have to learn to be patient and wait. He will decide if and when I get them - and if and when I am to wear them for his pleasure. It is not about me. Being a Master carries responsibility and thought. This must be demanding and I can imagine that He needs a break sometimes. If I wish for attention and my Master is tired or busy or simply not in the mood I am learning to. "Do you think she loves him?" I asked. Rachel stared at me and treated me like more than the boy I was."I'm pretty sure she doesn't, baby."She looked sad at having to admit it. I remembered my mother's relationship with Rachel's husband and tried to think of something else to talk about."Well baby, if you think it's going to be a rough summer for you," she sighed, "think about how it's going to be for me."I saw how much the admission that the twins and her needed someone else to connect them cost her. I looked down at the floor and thought about how far I could go to make her happy but not betray the twins' trust."Do you want some advice on how to make it better with the twins, Rachel?" I asked without looking up."Sure, baby. I'll try anything at this point," she replied. There was no conviction in her voice. I walked around the kitchen island until it was between us and leaned against the sink. I waited until she looked at me."You are not going to take the offer seriously, are you?".
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