Here’s an elastic band, just before he gets you into bed, go to the toilet and stick this up your you know where and when it twangs and he asks you what that was, you say it’s alright darling that’s just my virginity going.”So the wedding goes ahead and on the wedding bed ‘twang’ “What was that”, the new husband asked.“That was just my virginity, darling.”And the new husband was happy.Some time later the second daughter was due to be married, went to her mother and said “Mom, I’m getting married to Frank tomorrow but I’m not the virgin he thinks I am.”“How many men have you been with” asked the mother.“Only three” said the daughter.“Alright, here’s three elastic bands, just before you get into bed on the wedding night go to the toilet and stick these up, when they go ‘twang’ you tell him it’s just your virginity going”And again all went well.Then the third daughter came to her mother and said “Mom, you know...”The mother interrupted “I know, you’re getting married to Bill, he thinks. “Okay,” I said, “what’s the matter?”He looked up, as though I’d spoken Chinese.“You’ve been in a funk since I picked you up. Problems with Abby?”He nodded.“Which are...?”“I just don’t know, man.”“You don’t know what the problems are? Or you don’t know what to do about them?”“Neither. Both.”In spite of myself, I laughed.He smiled, but it was bleak and humorless.“Well, you always make me talk about my problems,” I said, “so I guess the shoe’s on the other foot. Now spill.” I pulled two beers from the fridge, opened them, and handed one to him.“Abby’s a great girl,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s really nice.”“But...?”“But I just don’t feel it.”I let the words hang in the air.He slumped to the couch and stared into the past. “When I first started dating Lori,” he said at last, “I couldn’t stop thinking about her.” He took a swig of beer. “It was the same with her. She used to pass me notes at my locker. Or she’d hang out after practice and wait for me. She was a.
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