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"No luck?" comes melodious notes when I bring my head back into my office. I close the door and turn around. To my surprise and horror, Ms Rose is standing in the middle of my surgery, next to the examination table on top of which a fresh paper sheet is spread, in a bra, brief panties, and self-supporting stockings with lace flowers around the top. She looks like a million dollars. Fuck a million — a billion! For a time I cannot form words. My lips feel like rubber. That, or they belong to a goldfish. Eventually, by looking towards my desk, digging my fingernails into the palm of my hand, and curling my toes in my shoes so hard they start to hurt, I regains some semblance of control."I'm afraid not," I say, not daring to look near her. "She's called in sick," I add, by way of explanation, by way of keeping my attentions from the image that's still in my mind, this lusciously appetising form so close, dressed in so little, looking so devastating. I could no more examine this gorgeous. Persons who are not RAPEDand are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHITyou can handle.Sincerely,The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.This one is compliments of Alex G UN SurveyLast month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the U.N.The only question asked was:-"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world."The survey was a complete failure because:In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.In Western Europe they didn't know.
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