”“Okay, I’ll be there within five minutes. Hang tight.”He pulled up in about four minutes and motioned for me to follow him. I did. We pulled into the drive. John pulled to one side and motioned for me to park in the garage. He got out and went to me. “Stay here. Leave the garage door open but don’t walk out under any circumstances.”We all nodded. John headed out the drive to meet the policemen who were out of their cars. He said, “I am John Mayer. I represent the occupants of this home. What seems to be the issue, officers?”There were four. One corporal and three officers. The corporal said, “We have a report that an under-age female is living here against her will and being used sexually.”“Who made this claim?”“We’d rather not say, sir.”“I understand. However, since it’s not true. We will find out. You can hide the name but you will become a party in a civil suit which you and the police department won’t want.”The corporal looked uncomfortable. “It was Ben Horton.”“Did he tell you. I wasted no time, apart from putting my shoes back on now that nobody was watching. The key was so simple I could probably have picked that lock with the back of a teaspoon, but I was still very slow at that point and this saved me at least three minutes. Plus, I had no teaspoon on me. Never do. ‘I’ll just stir it with my dick,’ as the Dutch prophet Youp van ‘t Hek says.First I did those things MI6 drills into you, inasmuch as you can drill anything into me in a mere two weeks. I checked for a security system or any kind of cameras, hidden or otherwise, I locked the door from the inside and I produced the white gloves I keep in my back pocket. I wasn’t technically anyone’s butler right now, but those gloves were thinner than a single cotton sock and at this point there was at least one in virtually every pocket I owned. Really, I’m like a balloon clown but with white gloves. Serious, actual, REAL spies who do not have a plausible explanation for keeping gloves on their person at all.
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