I should have phoned.”“It’s not a matter of ‘should’, as if it’s some chore to be got through. If I’d had your number, I would have wanted to.”There was no answer from her to that.We were nearly home, after all it was a short journey by car. In the silence that followed my last remark, I became unsettled, not by her actions or lack of them, but by my own annoyance. Until I asked her about phoning I had not given the lack of a call much thought and now it had suddenly taken on an importance I had to admit, it did not merit.We unloaded the car in silence, putting her stuff in the middle of her floor. When we had finished, I went and parked the car away from the front door and made my way to my room, not to hers.I was washing my hands after moving her stuff when there was a knock at the door.“Come in!” I shouted from the bathroom. When I emerged, drying my hands on the towel, she was standing just inside the door looking worried. She made no move towards me.“Why don’t you sit down,” I. He has no agenda. He loves me unequivocally. He never questions my motives and he hasn't learned the eye roll or the sarcastic voice that Kasey has perfected. He loves me not because I provide him with food and clothing and transportation but because I am his father.To him, that is enough. To me, that is the world.I cried the very first time he told me he loved me. Perhaps I was feeling unloved that day but I don't think so.We were in the park playing on the swings. His smile was golden and his laughter was sweeter than the sweetest melody. I was pushing him on the swings and he kept chanting "higher, higher."I was feigning big pushes — more pressure on his back but toning down the actual arm velocity — because I thought he was going plenty high enough. But he loved it. He was relating a story about rocket ships, dragons, dinosaurs and haunted houses.I was doing my best to follow along and prompting him to add more to the story. I wanted to freeze that perfect day — my son's smiling.
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