However, unlike the other four, I didn't feellike a "woman trapped in a man's body," or the "God had made a mistake." I knew I was coming from a very different place. Over the next couple ofweeks, I discussed this at length with Dr. Mitchell.You see, I don't dream of having SRS. I know I am male. I also knowthat I enjoy playing the part of a woman ? a passive, docile, obedientwoman. I like being the caregiver. I enjoy the feelings that come fromserving and pleasing another person. I am at peace when someone superiorto me is making most of my decisions for me. I feel excited when I amable to transform myself into an attractive, feminine ? and desirable --object. I feel fulfilled when I hear words of praise or appreciationfor the things I have done around the house. And I quiver at the secret,guilty delight that all these sensations are forbidden to me because Iwas not born a female. The feeling of my silky smooth legs beneath apair of nylons or the aromas and chatter that. The words, "would you like a drink?" popped out of his mouth. No! You idiot! You want to get rid of him, not give him a reason to stay."Thanks, just a coke, I'm driving." He smiled and followed Jim to the kitchen.Jim was uncomfortably aware of Paul standing right behind him as he got the coke out of the refrigerator. He tried to stop his hands trembling as he poured the drink into a glass and handed it to Paul. As Paul took the glass, their fingers touched. Paul maintained the contact longer than neccessary, then took the glass. "You have very nice hands," he said. Jim didn't know how to reply to this and just managed a shaky smile, a part of his mind preened at the obviously genuine complement however."So you'll be starting college after the holidays I suppose. What do you want to do?"Jim thought franticly, "I want to follow my Aunt, what she's doing is so important."Fortunately Paul didn't know Julie at all, so Jim could make up most of his background as he went along. Half an hour.
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