Trying to contemplate my next move seemed senseless and yet necessary at the same time. It had been so long since I had given myself even a flicker of a thought and had only worried about what was best for ‘her’ or what would make ‘her’ happy, but damn it I wanted things too and I wanted to smile again. I had been content at some point in my life, at least I thought so at the time, otherwise I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did. I waded through the freshly fallen snow with thoughts flowing in and out of my consciousness, but they had absolutely no direction. It wouldn’t be long before I would be turning 50 and I hadn’t worked in years, so if I did leave what in the hell would I do? I could do many things, just nothing that carried a degree with it. Basically I was uneducated and that pretty much would leave me on the streets. The notion seemed unthinkable, but there it was in a small little bundle at my feet. Everything I owned was in ‘her’ name because it was easier that way,. With him is his wife, and she seems to care for him but I do not think he has so much feeling for her. I tell this to Irving and Linda when our meeting is finished.“He says he goes to bar only short for alcohol,” I say. “But this is not true. He goes for that, but he goes also to be in company of those he prefers to his home. And I think he may go to find woman for sex as well.”“That figures,” Linda says. I see that she does not like this Sam McDonald either. “Ir­ving, you have to admit he’s a first-class asshole.”“Mmm,” Irving agrees. “But that’s not really the point, is it? Let’s get down to nuts and bolts, you’ve both got to be tired. First, did he pick the fight, Hugo?”“I can’t be sure,” I say. “He isn’t sorry about the fight, and I don’t think he tried hard to avoid fighting, but I think he is not himself sure whether he or the other one, this Jerry Trues­dale, began the fight. He does not care, and so he blames the other man.”“Did he mean to kill Truesdale?”“He meant to make.
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