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But... as disparaging and insulting She was on my very worth as a person and woman, I inhaled each email from Her like it was PURE oxegen!Then I wake up next morning, guilt and shame catching up with me, full of self loathing anger for what I'd aloowed myself to sink to, for the woman who was laughing and who I meant nothing to, but for whom was fast becoming the focus of my life.Then I'd write Her back, sharing my most depraved and lurid sexual fantasies with as much emotional honesty and sincerity as I could, hoping derperately for Her approval, yet strangly more and more sustained by Her cruel emotional insults and condesending jokes about of me than any positive regard!!! I HAD to keep Her aroused or amused, cause if She wasn't turned on, She wasn't happy - and THEN She'd dump me, and I didn't know how I'd survive without Her cruel insight into how worthless I really was and the how Her sick names and hatred of me mirrored my secret feelings!It's like... ... like, deep down, She. He thinks to himself a little side note to wear looser jeans so his bulge wouldn’t feel so tight around the crotch area. Along with his side note hoping to find pants with loose crotch areas he also hoped that it wouldn’t be as visible. He made these side notes to himself because he’s sure at that moment you could hang three soaked towels over his bulge and it wouldn’t move. He also made a side note to himself to get the girls name, of course the more he thought about it that little fact was not needed in his dream as long as his name was the one being screamed from the girl. Her name was just trivial to him; of course, her name would be nice to know. To not name such a beautiful creature or at least to walk into his parlor would be a sin. The rest of the day amazed him on how slow it seemed to move because every time he got a chance to pick up on his dream where he last left off a customer would come in taking him once again away from his imagination. Times like these really.
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