Life sometimes teaches you a lesson.Things had recently gotten real bad for me. I hadn’t told anyone yet, not even my mom. I know she’d sensed something was wrong. It was obvious something was wrong but I knew she wouldn’t prod me to find out what it was. She was just waiting for me to resolve things in my mind so I could tell her.It was just that funk running through me that forced me up into that childhood sanctuary and into Lindie’s arms. Life’s lesson that I was thinking about made me giggle a little. “If you think things are bad today ... Wait till tomorrow.” Then laughing at the kid I saw in the mirror, I said out loud, almost yelling in glee, “Things can always get BETTER!”Yeah, I know that isn’t the way it’s always said. “Worse,” is the usual operative word in that epithet. But today, I had Lindie and the bevy of surprises she was joyfully thrusting upon my heart. I didn’t think that anything could dampen my feelings right now.Just to prove me partially wrong about that, I. The only good partis that it was soon ?forgotten.? But I ?marked? although I didn?t knowit at the time.With this fear came the anger and my distancing myself from others. Theanger got me into trouble a few times. I am ashamed of what I havedone. Over time, for the most part, I have learned to dissipate thatanger and start to love. Since I?ve been on HRT that anger has beenreduced dramatically. Even now in my anger I try to admonish instead oflashing out either physically or verbally.The result of my fear and anger was me being a lonely boy. My parentssaw that and thought after consulting with others that seeing apsychiatrist might help. I couldn?t tell this grown up anything so in asense I wasted their money. Now I could tell those shrinks how I feel,but as a kid I couldn?t. I was still afraid.Part of my fear was that I was the only one who thought that way. In asense that is true. According to statistics in the Netherlands aboutone child in eleven thousand births is a male to female.
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