There was an old style footed bathtub also with a petite crystal chandelier hanging over it. In the corner was a large glass shower with many different gold spray heads mounted into rich grey granite walls. Standing over me my wife again took satisfaction in saying "I knew you would like the changes, but I never realized that you would be speechless !!! ". Even though it` s early you should turn in and get an early rest. We have lots to address in the morning". With that she hurried me into the room and closed the door behind her as she left. Standing alone in the room looking at myself in the mirror I broke down into hysterical sobbing. Falling to my knees I begged God to help me. This removal of Steve`s life hobbies reminded me that I really was trapped as Brittany with no way out !! I stepped into the bathroom and thought that if I took off all of this outfit then I could surely pass as a man again. Off came the earrings, the bracelets, little watch,necklace,and belt. Off came. Now buck up for the sake of the children at least.'I put on a joyful face going into the day care, and as soon as I saw Jason, he ran to me and the face I had to conjure up to be happy became much more than joyful, I was ecstatic, I truly was. Once I saw my children I no longer was trying to put a happy face on, I was extremely pleased with my life as long as they were in it. Mary Ann came to hug me too."Daddy, are you feeling better now? I was so worried about you today." Yes sweetheart, I am much better now that I'm with you two. Come on let's go home."They were both happy and talked a mile a minute all the way home. Home, would it ever be a real home again, one with a mommy and a daddy and two lovely children bringing joy into the lives of all those around them. That is what I think of when I think of home. What we now experienced was not what we had in the past, but was simply a charade. It was as if I had to try to keep a merry face on so I didn't see the deadness inside that.
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