When she was at home, she was always exhausted. She never refused me sex, but it was no better than necrophilia, and gradually I stopped bothering. I deeply regretted selling the house in Tiburon because I would have surely gone there. I doubt very much that separation would have shocked her into change, and divorce would have inevitably followed. I find myself wondering if that might have been best. But such thinking is futile. I did sell the house. I did stay in Cambridge. And we did stay together, if peculiarly. My life become one of memory and fantasy. Memories of days, nights, experiences, with Julie and Anne, and other women, some of whose names I could not even remember, some of whom I was surprised to realize I had known twenty or thirty years earlier, were incomparably more vivid than Lynn’s infrequent, wraithlike presence. I masturbated to those memories considerably more than I had sex with my wife. And I masturbated to rented videos, seeking out those which featured. Then I couldn't resist and did what Dr said. Then he examined my sexual part took few photos then told me to stand up told me to turn around and then said were ur clothes and go out I need to speak to ur dad. My mother came out with me and after couple of minutes she went inside too. She didn't close the door completely and I could by standing close hear what are they talking about. After some explanation I heard very clear my Dr said ur k** is a girl. But not a girl, girl. Because I don't have anything down there except a very small dick. But my body growing as a girl. My breast started to get big my bottom same my voice was like girls. Then I heard him to say sometimes some boys get change little bit later than usual age. And he said take him to gym and gave them prescription for some medicine. Time was going fast and I was changing very fast when I was naked I could see my breast are getting bigger each few months. But as far as I could I tried to don't show myself to my mother..
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