Trust me, I've got tons of them!Have you ever been trapped in a lift?I have.Now think about it. A lift is a small tightly contained box with very little air. When it breaks down between floors, you can't help but panic. And when you panic - or at least when I panic - my tummy starts to go a bit funny and yup, I end up blowing off. Lots.Thank God I was stuck in this lift on my own, because I would have been really embarrassed if there were other people in there. One after the other I was letting them go and I really could not help it.BbbbbrrrrrrrrtPfffflllllltBararappabapbapI kept caressing my spare tyre, the roll of malleable flab around my middle in the hope that it would ease and calm the distress within, but it didn't...if anything I think I was helping the farts on their way! Jeez, I stunk the place out and fast. I slid down placing my round hefty jegging clad buttocks down onto the hard floor, hoping the air would be cleaner down there.Not for long!PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLRTTTTTTT!I. A couple of women smiled at us, totally unaware that the relationship hadn’t done much more than start.Eventually, though, we approached the checkout.“Did you get everything?” she asked.“Did you?”“Yes.”I went through in front of the cart and checked out, then dropped my single bag into her cart as we unloaded her things from it. Then she did her thing, and it became clear she had food stamps or whatever -- and that it was an embarrassment to her. I ignored it. We went out through the door and she got hesitant in the parking lot. I gave her a vague wave; she pushed the cart to her car and popped the trunk, and I helped her shift the load -- including my things.At that point, the trunk still open, she turned to me, picking her fingers. “What are we doing?”“I don’t know,” I replied. “I just couldn’t stand seeing that look on your face.”“What look?”“That look.” It was back, that look -- one of fear and loneliness and a little righteous anger at the world for being so cold and unfeeling.
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