I followed a group through the automatic doors and stood looking aroundto find the facilities that I needed. Standing there it all felt sooverwhelming that I wanted so much to escape back to the car andsomewhere to hide. Bekka's whimper reminded me that I had no choice butto carry on.I had been over a minute standing in the concourse, feeling bewilderedand unable to decipher the directions to the various parts of theservice station when I heard a cough behind me.I turned in the direction of the sound."Excuse me Miss, but are you OK?" asked the elderly service stationsecurity guard."Um, no," I replied, trying to pitch my voice correctly," I'm lookingfor the nursing room."My main reason for stopping at these services were the provision of aspecial room for breast feeding."It's over there," the security guard responded pointing at a smalldoor situated between two shop units."Thank you very much," I said to the guard before making my way over tomy haven.I paused for half a second to read. ." I just stood there. "Beth, just get in the car." She turned around and walked to the passenger side and got in. "Are you hungry?" I asked her. She just stared out the window. "We can stop somewhere and get something. My treat." I just want to go home," she said in a hollow voice. We didn't talk again the whole drive back. When we got there, she walked up the front porch and unlocked the door. I was right behind her. I quietly shut and bolted the door and followed her up the stairs. She went down to her room and shut the door behind her. I'm not sure what I expected she was going to do.I stared at the door a minute wondering what I was supposed to do. Sex had become a part of our lives. We fight, we fuck. We didn't fight just to fuck. And I don't think we fucked just because we fought.I went to my room. I sat on my bed, not turning on the light. I just sat there. I was still holding my car keys.I wasn't completely stupid. I knew that I'd crossed a kind of line that night. Or maybe.
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