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To her joy her good friend Jacob answered. He was looking dashing, topless as usual at this time of month, Bella could not help but stare at his well toned pectorals and rippling, tanned abdominals. They hugged, a slightly more lingering embrace than just good friends would give one another. Jacob called to his father that he was going out until dusk. His father reminded him that it was full moon tonight and Bella’s father would not be best pleased if she returned to him covered in werewolf bites. Bella sighed, but Jacob laughed and took her hand as they ran off into the woods.They spent a long happy afternoon together talking and frolicking amongst the pine trees. The talk, of course eventually came round to Bella’s absent lover and Jacob’s arch enemy Edward.“You should just forget him, Bella, I’ve told you this countless times” Jacob urged.“I know, I just find it so difficult, but he treats me like I’m a little girl!” Bella complained.“And you certainly are far from a little girl!”. You think you’ve got it, wait till you meet my relatives. When the last of them dies and goes to Hell, I think Satan is going to be out of a job. Seriously. Meet my favorite band of psychopaths. My biological father Franklin Shay is the prototypical womanizing corporate attorney. You can’t count on him for anything. Ever since he divorced dear old ma, he spends all his money on those big-booty black and Hispanic strippers he likes so much at strip joints in downtown Boston. My mother Elsa Shay is a community college mathematics professor by trade and a man-hater by avocation. She hates all men without exception. She’s also a closet dyke who sends love letters to those charming women on death row but has nothing but contempt for her husband and her son. I stay the hell away from her because I don’t want to end up dead…or worse. Let’s just say when that woman has a sharp object in her hand, any male in the vicinity should be nervous. You know what I mean. My sister Hannah Shay is also.
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