I hate this part of me that isn’t in control. ‘I – I don’t think I can do this, right now,’ I say. ‘Now Angela, part of what we are trying to do here is get you used to trusting other people,’ she says as if talking to a child. It’s not supposed to be this way. Well she is supposed to think I’m like a child, but harmless, but not this way. ‘It’s too soon.’ I’m whispering. A woman with a red face says loudly, ‘Yeah Ms. Doro it’s too soon. Juirly just left.’ The girl across the circle with Down’s Syndrome comes over to hug me in my chair. I look at Ms. Dorazon and then up at the wide set eyes above me like some gorilla has decided to take me for her own child. ‘I’m not a retard,’ the big girl says. She slurs the words with her fat tongue. ‘I know,’ I say just to her. ‘No you don’t,’ she says and walks back across the circle. ‘I can see we have a long way to go,’ Ms. Dorazon sums the first five minutes. ‘How was your first day Angel, Honey,’ Mimsy asks me later that afternoon. I’ve been. "Well, good luck with that," I said with false sincerity andwalked off.***On the day of the operation, Mary didn't come to school. I thoughtabout what I would say to her after she had recovered. Would I callher an idiot and tell her that she had ruined her life? Would I besympathetic? Would we even remain friends? Probably not. After all,she would likely go to a special school that worked with teens that haddisabilities. I had no expectation I would see her again and thethought of it made me sad.To my surprise, that weekend I received a text message from her. Shewanted to see me at the food court at the mall. I had nothing betterto do and so I went. When I got there, I didn't see her anywhere.Finally, a familiar voice called out to me."There you are," Mary said in her usual voice. She was wearing maleclothing and looked convincingly boyish. I would have considered hercute if I didn't know the truth."The operation?" I wondered."I didn't go through with it," she admitted.I.
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