As they got there Alex waved goodbye and headed out the door. Tracy had already left for one of her one-hour self-defense classes, and then work.As the two women sat, Marlene said in a voice tinged with worry, “I have a bit of a dark past that I hope won’t upset anybody. It’s apt to come up because part of it was pretty public.”Alice said, “We all have dark pasts of some kind – visible and not so visible. If you want to talk about it, fine. If you don’t, that’s fine too. Don’t feel you have to let it all hang out in order to hang out with us.”“I want you to know. I think it’s part of why I came to talk to Matt and then you. I needed to share with someone instead of just sitting on it. Sometimes I need to talk about it because it was so naughty. You know when you share, other people help shine light on your darkness. Here it is; I did porn videos for six years.” Marlene laid her bomb out there to see how Alice would react.Alice didn’t react in the way Marlene expected. “Oh, what fun.. I started night and day, dreaming about being a woman, I no longer looked at women as the other gender, but as the gender I had to be, mind you, I wasn't gay, but I still looked at men and wondered, wondered about being with them while being a woman and as my discomfort with being a man grew, I started remembering things from my childhood, things I had blocked out because everyone laughed at me. I was a very skinny, very small kid and I liked to play girl games, and didn't like men sports, so every bully in the block would pounce on me, that with some childhood problems in my house was why I had blocked those memories and built myself to be a sports star who everyone thought was very strange but no one dared confront. But all the memories where flooding in, and with that, an even greater obsession about my wrong sex.At the same time, I was very angry at myself, I thought of all my possible ways out, I couldn't stay a man, because I dreamt about being a girl, about having boobs, having.
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