It's empty inside me, empty as the silent streets. Everyone is hiding from the sun. For a Monday, it is mockingly sunny. My thoughts keep drifting from one thing to the next, wishing I could focus on just one solid thought but every time something comes up, I'm too scared to delve so I keep running. Exactly one week now. Exactly one week since I learnt how it really feels to lose someone precious. Nothing changes and everything goes on. You have to, too. Somehow.I'm vaguely conscious of your presence. It does not fill my head like it's supposed to. The fire's been reduced to a spark that needs to be fanned. Even when I look up into your dark eyes, it's a struggle to recognise the passion, compassion and primal lust in them. I miss your eyes. I miss your gaze. It gives me my worth, and I need to feel worthy today more than ever.Shutting my eyes, I shift slightly in my bonds. The cloth that binds my wrists to the old metal bed-frame does not hurt. It does not even restrict my movements. Ohhhh kobe theke amar sakh chilo je tor bara ta gude neco, aaj se sakh puro holo. Amit chod chod, nijer boner guder bara dhoka.” Aiee sab katha bolte bolte amar gud abar nijer jal khasalo. “Aaaah Ooooo Maa. Amar guuuuud. Amakay maray phal. Oooooh.” Aro koeta thap mere Amit amar gude bara ta puropuri dhukiye besh kore chepe dhorlo aar nijer barar mal amar gude dhele amar gud bhasiye dilo. Jakhon Amit gude mal dhalchilo takhon Amit bolchilo, “aaah Ooooh. Tokay aami bhalo bashi. Oooh Chod amakay chod.”Amader choda chudi hoe jabar por amara chup kore khaniknon sue thaklam amader gaa theke gham jhrcholo. Amar pa takhono Mimtur komorer opore charano chilo aar Mitur netiye pora bara takhono amar guder modheye chilo. Amit aste kore amar opor theke amar pase gariye sue porlo. Amara amader prathom choda chudir annadota upobhog korchilam. Amit amake jigesh korlo, “komon chhiloe. Tor maja hoyechey.” Ami bollam, “bhaalo. Khoob bhalo choda khelam tor bara diye.” Amara khinokhon soyar pore ami uthe.
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