“I know you don’t love me.”“De-, honey, of course I do but-”Her eyes shut tightly fighting back tears and pain. She both wished she could run into his arms and be loved and wished she had the gun in her hand to kill him or herself. But she had neither, “Stop! Just stop. Don’t talk.”Her eyes remained shut, the world was dark, even with the sounds of birds off in the distance, she was more aware of the sound of her heart thumping in her chest and the breathing she was fighting to keep regular. “You know, I was thinking about killing myself a lot lately. When I figured out the truth about everything. I just wanted to die. I wanted for you to save me, to make everything okay. But it’s not okay.”“I kept telling myself I was okay, when I knew I wasn’t,” she stopped. She wanted to tell him about the drugs, and the man in the limo and everything. But all at once, she didn’t. This was her story. This was her life. Her eyes opened and she looked up to him, “Now I realize something else. I am. I always have been a daydreamer, forever drifting in and out of fantasyland. But this detachment I'd been feeling recently was in part from that strange part of me suddenly doubling down. My daydreams were out of hand: just there, stood wondering about Serah's housemates, I suddenly began to imagine them, vividly. I imagined the smaller of the two, porky little Samantha. I guess Serah had told me some time before that Sam was into BDSM, because I was imagining her all strapped up, her pale little titties knotted and her plump arse up and on display... I imagined her upstairs from this very room, and I imagined that when I was done here... Serah was looking at me with some mingled expression of disgust and confusion. There was brief panic- had I popped a boner while breaking up with someone? No, no- I was stood just as stoic and impassive as before. "What?" I said. "You- did you...?" Serah scrunched her tear-blotched face in confusion, her sadness apparently briefly set.
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