I beat a hasty, yet subtle, retreat to the family/TV room and settled on the couch and found myself dozing off into an oatmeal fueled food coma.“Hi dad! If you have a few minutes we would like to talk with you.”“Sure kids. I always have time for you. Sit on my lap and let’s talk.”I was immediately covered in babies. Five of them. Two blond ones larger than the three redheaded ones.“Dad, we were confused last night and we need to know what you meant by somethings that you said.”“Ok, what confused you?”“What does die mean?”“What? Umm.” Why not ask about the meaning of life?“Well let’s see. When a person dies, it means that they stop breathing and they stop being. Their life is over.”“Oh.” There was a very long pause.One of the small babies looked at me and asked, “What if you never really lived? Can you still die?”“But you are alive. You are growing inside your mothers. When a body dies, everything stops working. There is no more growing or thinking or anything. If you believe in God,. Now there was nothing to do but wait. He sat down on the toilet,feeling his new flesh envelop the cold seat, his thighs hanging offeach side and his backside mashed up against the pipework at the rear.He realised with dull horror that he couldn't even close his legsanymore, couldn't push against the inches of flab to get his knees totouch. As if to celebrate, his gut forced out a little trumpet, and hecould do nothing but watch as his legs were forced even further apart.Ten minutes later, and the wind had all but gone, with just a verysmall whisper every few minutes to remind him of what had happened.Although, as he stood in front of the mirror again, there was no way hecould forget. His backside had to be more than sixty inches around now,his hips and thighs swollen to match. The rest of him had stayedexactly the same, his otherwise thin body making his new pear shapeeven more pronounced. He was shaking, not knowing what the hell to do,just knowing that he couldn't let anyone see.
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