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The customer places their basket in front of me. As I swipe each barcode I put the product in the carrier bag beside me. I turn my body slightly but most of the time I face the till. How I sit is important, as is the uniform I wear. I wear a patterned blouse with a plain tabard. My skirt is unfashionably full, calf-length and candy striped. I wear black pantyhose or stockings with sensible black shoes. The skirt is designed so that no matter how far a shop assistant has to reach up or down nothing could possibly be revealed. Malcolm came into the shop about an hour before we closed. He waited until I had no customers before approaching me. ‘Hello, Elaine,’ He said. ‘How are you?’ ‘OK, thank you, Malcolm,’ I replied, ‘but you didn’t come here just to say ‘Hello’, did you?’ ‘No…’ ‘I’m still thinking about it.’ ‘What could I do to convince you that I’m serious about you?’ Malcolm asked. That’s when I had this brilliant or stupid, depends on your point of view, idea. I would set him a. ‘Well what?’ ‘Have you ever thought about me before? In an intimate way.’ I suddenly became defensive. ‘Of course not mom, that’s sick. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with you and your fantasies. All I’m saying is that it’s not normal for a son to think that way about his own mother. You gave birth to me after all. I would never think inappropriate thoughts about you. It’s not right.’ ‘That was quite a ramble,’ she said with a motherly look on her face. ‘I can tell when you’re being passive with something to hid, so start talking mister. After what I just told you, I expect a little honesty in return.’ ‘I may have had a few inappropriate thoughts here and there,’ I reluctantly admitted. ‘Oh really?’ she smiled. ‘And how frequent were these inappropriate thoughts?’ ‘Do we really have to do this?’ ‘No. I just wanted to show you how hard it was for me to talk about this. We lived in the same house for so many years, fantasies are inevitable. It’s shameful to talk about, but.
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