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I asked for an explanation. ‘The university agreed to give me credits for some of the things I placed out of. They also agreed to give me credits for the rest of them if I do better than a 3.6 this semester. Altogether, I’ll be getting credit for a little more than a year.’ ‘So what’s the problem? Have you ever gotten anything other than an A?’ ‘Yeah, in Art. I’m basically hopeless,’ he said. ‘But you’re not taking Art now.’ ‘No. But I’m taking a massive load and it could be difficult to perform to my usual standards.’ ‘What’s massive? You took a heavy load last semester.’ ‘Really massive.’ He was unusually quiet. Maybe it wasn’t unusual, he was always reticent. ‘Come on, out with it. How much pressure did you decide to put on yourself?’ ‘If I do better than 3.6, I’m graduating,’ he answered. ‘What?’ It must have sounded like the reaction to his confessing he’d been cheating on me with my best friend, if I had one. I was incredulous. I was furious. ‘When were you going to tell me? We. Anyway, a couple of millimetres over and the artery would have been cut, but a miss is as good as a mile and I lay in bed whilst they all expected me to die. Tara and Avril both seemed genuinely upset, the others were either disappointed that they might not be pregnant yet, or disappointed that they hadn’t had a go yet; reading minds can be a bit of a bummer when the tears being shed turn out to be selfish rather than for your own imminent demise.But of course I didn’t die. Phew! Anyway, it took a few painful weeks to feel hale and hearty again. There were various concoctions to help with the pain, but the best seemed to be something with effects not dissimilar to cannabis. It didn’t so much dull the pain as make me care less that it hurt so much. One particularly unpleasant treatment was the fecal products of the Dimietrius Worm. Described simply, they would put these creatures – that looked like a cross between a slug and a spider – on the wound and then slap them. Their immediate.
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