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Unfortunately, there was only one in Michael’s price range; a tatty four birth caravan that had obviously seen better days, and was in need of a lick of paint. As he opened the door of the trailer, he was almost knocked over by the stench. “God, smells like someone has died in here,” he cried out. Michael held a handkerchief over his face as he entered. There were someone’s personal belongs scattered about the place and bags of refuse piled high.Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him and turned quickly as he saw a shadow cast along the trailer wall.“Oh, boy, are you going to be our new neighbor?” Two young women were standing in the doorway looking very excited. One had straw looking blonde hair, while the other had short cropped dark hair resembling that of a boy.“Maybe,” replied Michael, talking through the handkerchief, “if i can ever get it back into a ship shape.”“We don’t mind giving you a hand, do we Jessica?” said the darker haired one.“Fuck, no,” said the straw blonde,. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression-OR-You can retire to Michigan where...1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.-OR-You can retire to The Deep South where...1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.2 “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.5. Everything is either: “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.”6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say “Bless his heart” at the end!-OR-You can move to Colorado where...1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola.
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