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" Dear Santa. I feel silly writing this because most of my friends tell me you don't exist, but SueAnn and RuthEllen have told me some pretty wild tales and I guess I don't really have anything to lose except my pride if this is just a practical joke, so here goes. What I want is a tight pussy. No, I don't mean I want to get my cat drunk. I mean I wish the little bitty cocks I get around these parts could reach both sides at once. It's hard as hell to have to keep wiggling back and forth so one side doesn't dry out before he can work his way back over to it. I mean, shit! I thought Texans were supposed to have big dicks and I can squeeze a hot dog in two without trying too hard and still can't get any satisfaction. If you can't make my pussy any tighter, can you at least get me a job in New York? I've heard they are all pricks, there. Love, NancyJane." Dear Santa. My name is BillyJoeBob and I don't know what kind of shit my girlfriend is writing you but I can tell you one thing. One. Stupidity, maybe, but not race.”“That’s a relief, Carla. So, did you know we’re visiting your folks this weekend?”“No, I did not. Seriously?”“Yes. He wants us to meet before the marriage.”“Okay, let me get this straight, because he’s been known to misconstrue details. He said y’all’re getting married the weekend after you meet us?”“‘Us’? You mean I get to meet you too?”“I’m callin’ Mom and tellin’ her that I’ll be there Saturday morning to help her put together the feast. Uh, you don’t mind, do you?”“Heavens, no ... That’s the idea. I want Carl, therefore I want to be acceptable to Carl’s family.”“Sunny, you WORK with Carl. I’m tickled you’re not a business grad with an idea about casino marketing.”“Yeah, he told me.”“He needs a REAL one, Sunny.”“So do I, Carla.”“Then as much as it pains me to say good things about my big brother, that’s what you’re getting.”What I’m getting is driving us south into Louisiana.“Thinking?” he questioned.“Yeah, just replaying the conversations I’ve had.
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