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Neil could not resist asking the newcomer “Where have you been all season?”“Don’t ask” he said “the wife bought the season ticket last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.”My son has just asked me why his friends Aziz and Tariq didn’t get any Christmas presents off Santa.So I told him “Son, you’re 10 years old now and you’re old enough to know the truth about Santa ... he fucking hates Muslims.”My girlfriend told me last Christmas she wanted something surprising and sexy. Turned out she didn’t mean rape.It has been reported that due to the negative impact the slow recovery has had on economies all over the world, this Christmas, Santa Claus will have only two “Ho’s” not three as is the custom.Additionally, it was reported, that if the recovery continues at its current slow rate, in 2018 Santa might have to do with only one, Ho.I asked the wife what she wants for Christmas this year “Some chocolate and a nice surprise would be lovely” she replied. Kinder egg it is. “Do you want to sit down? You’re shaking.”Blindly I sat and heard Patrick rustling around in my kitchen. He cooed at Rufus and I heard him open a can for him—thank God. Poor cat must’ve been traumatized.He walked out a few minutes later with a glass of water and buttered toast. He made me eat and drink, but honestly I didn’t give much of a fight. The energy was completely zapped from me.After I ate most of the bread, Patrick picked me up and brought me into the bathroom. He turned on the tub, filled it with hot water and sank me into it. Picking up a washcloth and soap, he washed my sweating and soiled body delicately and lovingly. Though he hardly put any pressure on me, each swipe burned and bruised my skin. Each loving touch gave the most exquisite pain.“Are you sorry?” he asked after a bit, disrupting the silence that rested over us like dirty film.I digested the question and spoke in a voice I hardly recognized. “Of course I’m sorry. I broke my sister’s heart.”Patrick stared.
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