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“It gets me to work and back on nice days. It sucks when it rains,” the guy said while removing his helmet.“I imagine that it isn’t fun in the rain,” Dexter said.“You’re Dexter,” the guy said.“Yes, I am.”“I’m Calvin Masters. I live above you.”Dexter extended a hand and said, “Nice to meet you Calvin.”“I heard that Mary hit you with her pepper spray,” Calvin said.“Yes. That was not pleasant,” Dexter said.Grinning, Calvin said, “She tried that on me, once. Fortunately, I was still wearing my helmet. She’s actually pretty nice once she gets to trust you.”“Like that is ever going to happen,” Dexter said with a snort.Calvin said, “You’ve got to understand. She got gang raped a couple years back, in her previous apartment complex. It really did a number on her head.”“Well, getting hit with pepper spray did a number on my eyes that I’m not going to forget,” Dexter said.Calvin said, “I’ll introduce you to her and vouch for you.”“You’ll vouch for me?” Dexter said incredulous.The guy was. So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to.
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