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She had no great love for the military, this was apparent, and so the Gunny fell back on unfamiliar ground – speaking in terms of the classics – Voltaire – and speaking of motivation, stagnation, the Peter Principle, and some other touchy-feely stuff that had little to do with firing someone for incompetence.Voltaire came up, as the Gunny had tried to explain about Admiral Byng. This happened because Mrs. Dobson had taken the stance that it was unfair to hold someone up to a set of rules he had had no part in making. 'Ex post facto', she'd said, and the Gunny agreed that it may not be fair, but produced results.He told her about Admiral Byng, who at the start of the Seven Year's War in 1756 had failed to defend the fort on Minorca, and how the British Admiralty had expressed their anger by modifying the Articles of War to list a new offense: "Capital Failure to Do One's Utmost" to engage and destroy the enemy in attack or pursuit.The Gunny pointed out how this execution had indeed. There seemed tobe no beard there and it felt smooth. But that was beliedby the five o'clock shadow that seemed to be showing alonghis jaw. Where I would normally be bristly, I was nowsmooth as the proverbial baby's bottom.An urge got me up off the bed, and into the bathroom. SinceI was already naked, I did not have to take my clothes off,but as I was looking down at the toilet, I knew there wouldbe no way that I could ever aim down at it. I turnedaround, backed onto the toilet, and tried to figure out howto let go. While I was figuring it out, my body decidedthat it was just going to do it, and a spray of water cameout. Not knowing what to expect, I managed to spray waterall over my cheeks and my legs. I found out that if I wereto spread my legs a bit, the spray decreased, and did notget all over me as before. But the damage had already beendone.I gobbed up some paper to try to dry myself off with it,and encountered a thick, sticky substance that was oozingout from the new orifice.
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