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”I nodded. I looked at Agnes. “What about the wedding?”“Eric, the wedding can wait or we’ll have it here.”I smiled slowly. “Most everyone is here. Let’s have it here. Agnes, I want to be married and to you. I love you.”It took an hour or so but everyone gathered. I was wheeled into the chapel and was admonished by a doctor and two nurses to take things easy. Dad was on the phone and managed to cancel the honeymoon with only a minimal fee. In a quiet moment, he told me and Mister Stover that the two of them would reschedule it for spring break.The preacher had come with Agnes and her parents. Her brothers were there, too. Aaron drove her home to change with her mother’s help into her wedding dress. When they returned, we were ready. The chapel didn’t have much of an aisle but Mister Stover walked my beautiful lady down it to me. Once there, we held hands and recited our vows. We exchanged my grandparents’ wedding rings. We were pronounced husband and wife. We had additional guests from. Those three months were the worst of my life, I was mourning my marriage, I was having flashback episodes because of the **** and the trauma of the relationship I was in. I was suicidal at best. Sometimes just staring at walls for hours, sometimes hurting myself. And of course, having lots of pointless sex.Then I met my current partner, and fell in love. We were instant, absolute best friends, and he’s helped give me the strength to climb out of that disaster and become a functioning individual. Even in such a way that I know if our relationship ever ended, I would be okay. Our relationship is a constant choice, rather than a necessary crutch like my others have been. It’s something I hope everyone has the chance to experience in their lives.And yet, I still sometimes fall into the pattern of making photos and videos, sharing information and asking for terrible things to happen to me. No matter how many times I try to quit, no matter the horrible consequences of it, it’s an addiction.
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