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It’s about 6000 miles from Perth to central Saudi Arabia, so depending on winds anywhere from ten to fourteen hours. That’s ten-to-fourteen hours with a bandana tied over your mouth and nose, a couple of spritzes of cologne on the bandana helps — for a while, anyway. I say helps advisedly because nothing, and I mean nothing, completely gets rid of the stench let off thousands of rounds of sheep shit. Even after you crawl on your hands and knees out of the cockpit (gagging, gasping for air) — the stench remains — but by that point it’s in your clothing, your hair, and it never leaves your mind. A crew comes in after the furry little shit-bags are hauled off and, wearing gas masks, they sanitize the interior as best they can — which turns out to be a pretty good thing for all concerned. All the sheep shit falls, by the way, into stainless steel trays under the pens so there’s usually not too much of the muck on the decks and walls, and what little there is remaining is dealt with. They laughed mercilessly when he kept flicking on the wipers instead of the indicators, but other than learning a new car, the driving was fine. The road rules and courtesies were very similar to those at home. The supermarket was another matter. Melanie had warned him that taking the children shopping was like throwing ball-bearings and watching them scatter. Accurate, except that you can sometimes see the ball-bearings. Between aisles in the shop, he could barely even hear them, other than the occasional squeal from Frances. Eventually he managed to round them up. Fuck, three were so much harder than two! He gave them a lecture about how he needed help, so they had to stay with him. They did. For about three minutes. Eventually the shopping was in the car, and he took them to a cafe for lunch. Melanie had a deadline on an article, so she needed space. They had a long walk through the pedestrianised city centre, and down to the north shore of Lake Burley Griffin. He’d brought stale.
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