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’ My family is given to hyperbole. ‘Get him over here for dinner so we can meet him,’ he said. It wasn’t so loud but it wasn’t remotely conciliatory either. He looked at my Mother. ‘Do we have anything scheduled tomorrow night?’ ‘No,’ she answered. ‘Have him here tomorrow night for dinner. Six sharp,’ he ordered. ‘Gee, how could he possibly refuse such a gracious, generous, sincere invitation?’ I said. ‘You don’t get to be a smart aleck with us either,’ said my Father, obviously not mollified. ‘I’ll see if he’s free,’ I said. ‘I think I can persuade him to come, if he’s not going to Friday night services.’ ‘At least he’s Jewish,’ my Mother said. Dad gave her a withering look. ‘How is he going to support you in the style you deserve?’ ‘He has a very good job.’ Don’t mention the trust fund. He isn’t after my money. And his value is intangible, yet quantifiable. Ugh. That’s how Jeff would say it. I’ll leave that approach to him. ‘What does he do?’ my father asked. His tone and demeanor. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're alive"With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain."I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy." I see," the captain says. Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."This one is compliments of LewHow about this one?Roses are red, Nuts are brown,Skirts go up, pants go down;Body to body, skin to skin,When it's stiff, stick it in.It goes in.
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