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I had struck out as hard as I could, but I wasn'tsure that I won anything. Almost half an hour later, mom knocked on mydoor, then came in."That was some display," she said, "you shocked your father you know.Now he doesn't know what to do." Good," I said, "maybe he'll get off my back." Oh, he got the message alright, the big question is will he understandit." Mom paused, then had me stand up. "Would you like to see how youwould look if you were fixed up right?" Fixed up right?" I asked, not getting it at first."Sure," mom said, "let me help you with your hair and makeup, and we cansee how you would look if you were a girl." Why?" Because if we do this, then your father will see what a beautiful younggirl you can be, which will also show him that you aren't the same asthe other boys." Mom, I only did this because he never lets up!" I know that Tim, but you started this, so why not let me help you? Ifyou do this right, and act the part of course, your father might give upon the sports.. I glanced around, there was nothing to be seen. "No, dig, babe. Use your hands, it's only about six or eight inches down."I burst out laughing. All this song and dance and I was on a kid's treasure hunt? I had a pretty serious day ahead of me, and maybe it was appropriate that it began with farce."Well, don't just giggle like a fool, Larry, dig it up," she said impatiently.Still laughing, I knelt down and followed her instructions. "And this is your idea of security, sugar?" I chortled. "Remind me never to give you my life's savings to protect. I mean, all it would take would be a curious squirrel—" Hey, fuck you and the horse you rode in on," she snapped, sounding genuinely offended. "Just fucking dig, asshole."I got my laughter under control quickly. This was sure no time to piss her off. As I continued digging—which wasn't as easy as it sounded, the ground was pretty thoroughly packed—I thought it wise to back off. "I'm sorry, honey," I told her contritely."It's OK, darling," she.
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