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I’d rather be my depressed self than to be someone else. I’d rather be sad than happy while knowing what I feel is how I truly feel and not created by some magic, happy pill. Being that I’m older and wiser to know better, I’m still young enough to turn my life around from being sad to being happy. With how I feel directly tied into how I feel about myself, I have it in my control to have a good life instead of continuing to have a bad one. Being that it’s all up to me how I feel, no one else is responsible for me but me. Surely, if I don’t care about myself, then no one else will. * * * * * So very many woman want to be blonde and I don’t understand why so many women want to be blonde. I don’t get it. I really don’t. Most women who aren’t born with blonde hair and who don’t have the fair complexion don’t look good as a blonde. They always look better with their natural hair color. I’m blonde. Born blonde, I’m a natural blonde. The last thing I worry about is hair color. Being that my. We have to be practical.”“I know,” she sighed, leaning her head down onto my chest. “But I’m going to be lonely tonight. And you’re not.”“No,” I said, feeling sad for her. “It will be hard for your dad, as well.”“Poor daddy,” she said. I felt a few tears fall from her face and run down through the hair on my chest.“Yes,” I said. “I can’t imagine how he must be feeling right now.”“Mommy, too,” she said. “You were very sweet to me. Is that how you’re going to be with her?”“I don’t know,” I said. I had given the problem some thought. “It might make her feel worse if I am.”“Yeah,” she said. Then she turned and pushed on my shoulders. I gave in and let her push me back on the bed. The girl straddled my chest and kept pushing down on my shoulders.“No matter what,” she said, emphasizing each word with a gentle push. “I had you first. No matter how much fun you have with Mom or Faith, I had you first. Remember that.”“I will,” I said. “And I had you first. If you ever find someone else, you.
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