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I enlisted my hunter friend to be the cook, as he was honored to serve as the chef at such an important occasion. Chris went through the entire day, up to the point I picked, not knowing what I had planned. At a point, I gathered everyone around, got on my knee, pulled out the ring and asked Chris to marry me. Chris said yes, I placed the ring on her finger and everyone clapped and cheered. It was an engagement party to remember. Things were not that stable, as I soon discovered. We picked a date the following July 1988. She had enrolled in the Teaching Credential program at Sac State and she would not be working, but had a six week break in classes during that time frame. In August, after a particularly riotous romp, which included sucking and fucking and sucking some more; Chris rolled up in the fetal position in the bed and started crying. I asked her what was wrong. "We are sinning. All this is sin. I never used to masturbate until you came along. Now, I do it in. Amid this exploration into my new-found femininity, something began todawn on me. Something big was missing. Then I realized what it was. Itwas that constant pull I had lived with for so long. It was gone. I nolonger felt the need to become a woman! I no longer felt it'soverwhelming tug anymore. I was free. It was like someone had lifted aheavy weight off my chest. It was so liberating.It sounds silly, but my transition into a woman cured me of the need tobecome a woman. I felt clarity for the first time in an awful longtime. I could think straight again without the heavy burden ofsomething big constantly pulling on me. That aching feeling that Ineeded to become something I wasn't was replaced overnight with a suretythat I now was that something.And surprisingly, a lot of the worst manifestations of my sexual energymelted away with that realization too. I had known for a long time thatmy need to become a woman was tightly wrapped up with my male sex drive.I could, with sex or.
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