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But no, I meant it's demeaning to me. Having him, or her, as my husband, that's demeaning to me." I don't think any less of you, Jan." You don't? Really?" No, Jan, not at all." I don't believe you, Sandy," Jan said, emphasizing each word. She took a sip of her latte before continuing, "You're my best friend, Sandy, my best friend. But I cannot believe that after you realized Patricia was really my husband, you didn't think to yourself: "Poor Jan, she married a sissy." Or "Poor Jan, her husband is not a real man." Or, "Poor Jan, her husband can't fuck her because he prefers to be fucked"."And if you, Sandy, my best friend, thinks that, then just imagine what other women, and men, will think of me! I tell you, I'm embarrassed to be the sorry sissy's wife. What woman wouldn't be?" "But Thomas has always been such a good husband and such a perfect friend to you, Jan. I know he loves you. Whether he's wearing a flannel shirt and jeans, or an evening gown, either way he loves you more than. I love you, baby. And I chose you. And your too smart to ignore the truth in what I’m saying. And to realize that while I’m the one saying sorry here and feeling like shit, you and me both share some of the blame.”I was about to flare up again and vent, but deep down I knew exactly what Jill was driving at, and I contented myself with pulling a face but saying nothing in response as she continued.“Dave, honey, remember I chose you. Chris is the one who’s on his own right now, while you and me are here in our home after I realized how stupid I was being. And the reason I was so stupid and imagined another life for even just a few moments shouldn’t come as any surprise to you, baby. I’ve never hidden from you how much I loved Chris, and how much in love I was with him. And you even said that this and the danger excited you in some strange way. And I’m not excusing my actions, darling, I’m just asking you to not be so surprised. This was a game we both agreed to play and wanted to play..
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