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."PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a... 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,"You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was. ’ ‘This guy,’ I asked, ‘was he French?’ ‘American,’ she sighed. ‘He was from California. That’s how I learned about the Cline Zinfandel. I have to say,’ she smiled, as she held up her glass, ‘it wasn’t a total waste of time.’ And we drank a toast to California. I told her I had a guest room in the beach house, but in the end she opted to sleep on the boat. She said she would probably be getting an early start in the morning, but she thanked me for a delicious meal, and for being such a good listener. ‘Sorry to be such a party pooper,’ she apologized. ‘You’ve been great.’ And then I walked with her out onto the dock and helped to steady her as she stepped up onto the deck of her boat. ‘You know,’ I said, ‘you don’t have to be in such a hurry to leave. I make a really good pot of coffee, and if you’re nice to me I’ll fix cinnamon rolls for breakfast.’ ‘Cinnamon rolls?’ she said. ‘Hmmmm. Tempting. I’ll have to sleep on it.’ And then she gave me a little kiss on the cheek and disappeared.
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