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Not even a hello.“You blackmailing, dickless excuse for a man! How dare you stalk me and videotape my private life! I’m going to call the fucking cops and have your sorry ass arrested, you sick asshole!”Okay. So much for Plan A. Her words re-awoke Saturday night’s raging monster. “Alright, cunt. We’ll do this your way. In five minutes, that video will be in sweet Daddy Ray’s inbox. And on our high school’s Facebook page. Let’s see ... where else can I send it?”“You wouldn’t dare!”“The mouse is poised over the send button, slut. Have a great life.”“No! God no! Please, Carl! I’m sorry I threatened you! I’m just so scared!”“Tough shit, slut. What was it you always used to say? ‘As you sow, so shall you -’”“Don’t,” she wailed. “I’m begging, honey. Don’t ruin me. Please. If you do that, I’ll kill myself! I swear I will!”“Why should I give a shit what you do to yourself? Remember all the lies you told about me? Remember how hard you tried to ruin me? Fuck, bitch, you tried to get me thrown. “I don’t know if you can help me, but you certainly look like you need the help,” he says smoothly.We already know what’s on his mind.“I can always use the help,” Penelope says. “It’s been days since...”Penelope!“We’re ... I’m a bit lost,” she quickly recovers. “I mean, I hate to admit it, but I’m a bit lost.”“Tis alright,” the elf says, stepping closer into the light of the fire so that the witch can see him better and thus tell that he is an elf. “Many non-elvish speakers come into our forest and get lost. I keep saying we should put up signs in other languages, but the elders keep refusing to listen.”“I take it that you’re from around here.”“Is it that obvious?” he asks.Smart ... real smart. We’re in a damn elven forest and you’re going to ask a stupid question like that?“You could be a traveler visiting family,” the witch tries to say to justify the question. “Or you can be a salesman.”The elf laughs heartily. “A salesman? I do believe that is a first. And what would I be.
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