I had to check out just what we had at home before heading overthere tomorrow. I completely convinced myself that Mom was going to lovethe new room.I felt elated as we left the store. "You are going to help me, aren't youSam?" I'm still not convinced this is such a good idea," he said. "What ifyour Mom hates it? All that time, work, and money out the window. Ireally think you should discuss this with her first." His advice while eminently logical had no effect on me. I was going tomake this happen. If I discussed it first with Mom, then it wouldn't be a"surprise". She'd probably come up with a zillion reasons as to why weshould just leave the room as it was. No, this room was going to be mygift to her. The change would be drastic enough to wipe away any memoryof the bastard that had inhabited it previously: My Dad! Suddenly I foundmyself in manic-depressive mode. I'd been higher than a kite momentsbefore and now I was a blithering, whimpering idiot. "What's the matter Joan?" he asked. The dress shehad bought was lying on the bed and she picked it up to show me. When sheheld it up, she smiled as she had a brilliant idea and placed the dressup to me."You know honey; I think this dress would fit you perfectly. It maybe toosmall for me but it is the perfect size for you." But Mom, it's a dress...I'm a boy, boys don't wear dresses." Honey, you spent all day yesterday wearing heels and one of myjumpsuits. It would also make Mommy very, very happy if you play dress upwith me today, especially on a day where I feel so sad."I felt trapped. I did not wish my mom to continue to feel sad and I didnot wish to see her sad. She was right; I did spend the day dressed inher clothes and heels. I was confused, I wasn't really sure if I wantedto wear a dress but I really did wish to make my mother happy."You know sweetie, if you did wear this dress you'll be a fashionistajust like me. Your father would never wanted you be a fashionista andwould have never have approved of you wearing.
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