Beth was always fun to talk to. Tracy was always suspicious of me ever since she saw Tammy and I kiss,maybe a little more than we should of at her baby girl's first birthday. Tracy was very fit,attractive but so stressed out. We maintained a cordial relationship...she tolerated me. I have to add this, Tracy had told Rick about me kissing Tammy. He barely could keep a straight face when he told us.Sadly, Rick's health deteriorated over the next few years. Things between Tammy cooled of out of respect for Rick. I had begun seeing a girl and she didn't know about my sexual relationship with Tammy. She only knew Tammy and Rick were good friends of mine. After Rick had passed,Tammy, now 57, was devastated. She had been with Rick since high school. Tammy leaned on her daughter Beth and me since we all lived close. Tracy and her family had moved across the country for work. Late one night while at Tammy's, Beth confessed her marriage was falling apart. She also informed me that Tammy had. ”“I know,” she sighed. “I know.”We had long since finished two cups of coffee each. We got up and began walking back to the house. I took Pia’s hand, and she didn’t resist. We got back to the house and went to my room and sat on the bed cross-legged, facing each other.“How do we figure this out?” I asked.“I don’t know. It’s complicated. But I think everything is complicated with you.”“That’s for sure,” I said with a weak smile.“What do YOU want?” Pia asked.“I have the same problem that you do. I don’t know. I’ve been searching for a couple of years, but I don’t even know for sure what I’m searching for.”“Then how can you know when you find it?”“That’s part of my search. To figure out how I can be the man I want to be — the husband and father I want to be. But that’s a long ways away. Before then I have so much to learn, so much to figure out! I guess the answer is that I’m searching for myself.”Was that it? Did I just answer my own question? That what I was searching for was myself?.
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